Truly, Madly, Deeply
This morning the secretary says to me, "Can you believe it's noon already?" I thought to myself "What do you mean? It couldn't have come fast enough!" I so don't want to be here. I wish I could've taken the day off and hung out with Habs. I've been completely out of it all week.
After work today, I'm going shopping with Habs for some staple items like jeans and summer shoes, for me anyway.
Yesterday, I asked Jordan to come with me to the bbq. I'm still waiting for a reply (b/c I emailed him. He lives out of the area and phoning him means long distance charges). Anyway, I'm looking forward to it because it will be a super distraction from Fil. He's a dead-ringer for Austen in Days of our Lives back in the days of yore. Very hot but lacking in personality. Char was telling me last night that when she was once completely crazy about this guy, Miguel the thing that helped her get over him was talking with an old high school lover, Elton. It doesn't sound too cool, I know, he sounds like he was a rebound guy. But how it turned out was cute: Elton and Char are together now.
The thing with me is that I'm only assuming things with Fil b/c of the way he's kind of pulling away.
For example, he called last night and it was super casual. We didn't flirt at all. In fact, he dominated the convo entirely almost as if to avoid discussing any uncomfortable topics. He was talking so fast, I could barely catch what he was saying half the time. And in the end, he abruptly said that he had been losing a lot of sleep lately and that he thinks we should both go to sleep. And that was that. No fighting for who hangs up first. No "I'll call you tomorrow". Nothing. He only said "I'll call you another time".
I thought it would turn me off that he didn't let me speak much or that he got off the line so quickly but no, it only made it much worse. He has taken over my entire daily thoughts.
Haiat and Habs seem to be convinced of the fact that he's not a jerk and wouldn't be disrespectful enough to simply stop talking to me on account that he's not interested anymore. And that he wouldn't start doing arrogant things like ignore me or brush me off. Reassuring? Yes. Satisfied? Hell no. They also both said that I should get to know him better. If I hear that one more time, I'm going to go balistic. Getting to know him better is what I'm been doing. Sometimes, Habs tells me of his flaws to remind me that he's not perfect like the way he's "pocket-sized" and short. But this is way beyond the superficial.
One thing that I'm proud about (a redeeming quality, finally) is that I haven't cried over this once. I'm holding up in that area. I did with Alex (the high school counterpart to Fil) but it won't happen again. Where have I heard that before...?
How embarrassing the way I've been carrying on about him, eh? I'm so glad I have this blog and two close friends who won't judge me to whom I can pour out all my confessions. I'm utterly, hopelessly, unbelievably, head-over-heels over him.
GW
After work today, I'm going shopping with Habs for some staple items like jeans and summer shoes, for me anyway.
Yesterday, I asked Jordan to come with me to the bbq. I'm still waiting for a reply (b/c I emailed him. He lives out of the area and phoning him means long distance charges). Anyway, I'm looking forward to it because it will be a super distraction from Fil. He's a dead-ringer for Austen in Days of our Lives back in the days of yore. Very hot but lacking in personality. Char was telling me last night that when she was once completely crazy about this guy, Miguel the thing that helped her get over him was talking with an old high school lover, Elton. It doesn't sound too cool, I know, he sounds like he was a rebound guy. But how it turned out was cute: Elton and Char are together now.
The thing with me is that I'm only assuming things with Fil b/c of the way he's kind of pulling away.
For example, he called last night and it was super casual. We didn't flirt at all. In fact, he dominated the convo entirely almost as if to avoid discussing any uncomfortable topics. He was talking so fast, I could barely catch what he was saying half the time. And in the end, he abruptly said that he had been losing a lot of sleep lately and that he thinks we should both go to sleep. And that was that. No fighting for who hangs up first. No "I'll call you tomorrow". Nothing. He only said "I'll call you another time".
I thought it would turn me off that he didn't let me speak much or that he got off the line so quickly but no, it only made it much worse. He has taken over my entire daily thoughts.
Haiat and Habs seem to be convinced of the fact that he's not a jerk and wouldn't be disrespectful enough to simply stop talking to me on account that he's not interested anymore. And that he wouldn't start doing arrogant things like ignore me or brush me off. Reassuring? Yes. Satisfied? Hell no. They also both said that I should get to know him better. If I hear that one more time, I'm going to go balistic. Getting to know him better is what I'm been doing. Sometimes, Habs tells me of his flaws to remind me that he's not perfect like the way he's "pocket-sized" and short. But this is way beyond the superficial.
One thing that I'm proud about (a redeeming quality, finally) is that I haven't cried over this once. I'm holding up in that area. I did with Alex (the high school counterpart to Fil) but it won't happen again. Where have I heard that before...?
How embarrassing the way I've been carrying on about him, eh? I'm so glad I have this blog and two close friends who won't judge me to whom I can pour out all my confessions. I'm utterly, hopelessly, unbelievably, head-over-heels over him.
GW
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