Diary of a Wom'n

I had a restless night yet again. Had to drag myself out of bed.

So I've made my resolve; I've decided I'm going to cut my hair. It's long overdue for a trim anyway so I'm making it a worthwhile cut. I'll have it the length of just above my shoulder and slightly layered so that I can leave it out more easily. I'll go tomorrow evening.

Share asked me out to lunch with the gang for her birthday this Sat but I can't make it unfortunately. I was so looking forward to seeing her again! But I will be catching up with another old friend of mine who's studying in Calgary, the one who's notorious for never-ending tales of passionate escapades. Gotta love her though. She's a riot.

I've taken two steps back with Fil. I'm absolutely consumed with thoughts of him. It's gotten to be bigger than my body. He hasn't called me yet. But he has commented on a photo of mine. I'm going to see if I can get involved in activities/organizations around here to get me excited again about something I love doing. This job doesn't do it for me anymore. Those feelings of anticipation and longing to stay just one more hour behind at work have long gone. I leave with the rest of them now.

I received the 2nd installement of San's msg. I'll post it later this evening; that is if I don't crash early like I did last night.

I've just thought twice about that haircut. I really like having my hair cascade around my shoulders sometimes. It was my signature look when I'm out. Hm.

I've been thinking about something lately. When did I become that person who lives through the adventures of others and let them colour my world and think twice about what I say out loud? I say this b/c I'm frequently the "listener" in my friends' melodramas. Something is always happening to them, good and bad. That's not to say I've become Plain Jane but I am less vibrant than I used to be. I'm focused on one job now and go out much less. I don't like the person I'm becoming one bit. It's a good thing Haiat is back in my life. She and I will make a go of that France adventure we were talking about after Feb.

I have to learn to let go. Seriously. I had a dream about him last night. He was on a date with another girl and I was there in spirit, it seemed like but they could interact with me nevertheless. Well, she was driving while he was in the back seat. He looked like a small boy who was getting dropped off to soccer practice by his mother. When I asked him why he was sitting in the backseat and not the front seat, he gruffly answered that he just felt like it. When we got to their destination, he was far away from her. He instead mingled with other pple at the function we were at. It looked like an art gallery of some sort. So what happened was, in a twisted way, was his date and I started to become friends. She asked me where I got the lovely shirt I was wearing and I didn't remember so I pulled out the tag on the back of the shirt for her to see and she came very close to me to see it and I noticed her taking notice of the perfume I was wearing. Fil disappeared somewhere into the background by that point.

The second dream was my favourite. I dreamed that a baby fell into my arms from a 4rth floor balcony (I think it was fourth). I planned to keep him but out of the goodness of my heart, I thought I'd give the parents of the baby a chance at claiming him but they turned out to be bizarro parents so I ran away with the baby. He didn't cry once. I'm naming him Joseph.

GW