Diary of a Wom'n

GW

 
I had such an awesome dream last night. I was dating Chris Rock and we were at his house, more like a palace really. To get to another room, seemed like we had to take public transportation. His house was huge for just him alone. So there I was, the two of us together and so into each other. At one point, he wanted to take a shower so we walked arms wrapped around each other for what seemed to be a mile, going down the stairs, passing by crowds of admiring people, me loving every moment of it, and entering a room that was spacious but warm. I vaguely remember the rest and other juicy details but the feeling was unquestionable.

GW

Argon said the cutest thing last week. The conversation went something like this:







GW

July 2011

In my case, I've been having a great time doing just the simple things with Habs. We went to the Danforth festival, managed to eat and then get full on a spinach pie, and as a result, forced to forgo eating some of the undoubtedly delicious signature souvlaki sticks. Alas, we had to make our way home not having tried the mark of Greek cuisine. Aside from that, we saw performers who put on dance numbers on stage, listened to Greek music by a live band, and we got a chance to visit a shop that sold authentic wooden crafts, statues, masks and other valuables from Zimbabwe. My favourite things were the majestic giraffe statues. I would have bought one if the price hadn't totally made me strike out that plan ($200).

We also bought jewellery from a street vendor, which I later discovered was a family owned business and they have their own shop on Yonge St. I want to go there before I go back to work. They have jewellery that's exactly my style - earthy and natural.

Though the event hosted an uncomfortably enormous number of people, I liked it nonetheless. It made the event more festive and lively.

Last week, we went to the Harborfront, in hopes of catching a movie. Unfortunately, it was a movie with my arch enemy, Angelina so we had to pass on that. Instead, we did some sight seeing around the lakeshore where the boats were. I loved that area. It felt like a little fishing town but very upscale. It made me debate as to whether I'd like to live in such a busy part of the city in a condo or in a sleepy town in a house.

Late in July, we also went to the Toronto Jazz Festival, which was fabulous. I didn't expect the music to be so exotic - it was a mix of Jazz and Indian. It was the first time I've been there and I'm glad I went. I'll be going back there for sure next year.

This summer has been great so far. I didn't do much, as I didn't have any grand plans, but I like it exactly because of that. I needed a summer where I appreciate the time off and focus most of my energy on relaxing. Which I did. And not focus on job hunting, house hunting, stressing out about life, or the like. I think this is the first summer I've truly enjoyed the summer break.

GW

2012...you came and went and I didn't even get to say hello much less good-bye. You went by too fast and left behind a blur.

Well, first, I'm 30 now and in my 4th year of teaching. I'm continuing to rent my condo but I have inclinations to sell the place the first chance I get. My car has been paid off and I'm once again saving up money for the next big thing.

Why am I here blogging after all this time? I need help sorting through my thoughts as I reflect about balancing my own mental well-being and my students'. When it comes to work, I put myself at the bottom of the list, which is nothing new but this school year, I've been feeling this thing that people call being "burnt out". It's more than just being exhausted at the end of the day. It's waking up exhausted, eating exhausted, and driving home exhausted. It's waking up with a headache, going to bed with a headache, feeling irritable just walking into work, and feeling perpetually stressed out.

That's been me for the past month or so. And when I'm stressed out, my patience is very short. Very. Short. I'm miserable during the day and unhappy when I go home. In my mind, the negative student behaviors get magnified and I think about their disrespectful behavior over and over again until I'm mentally drained. I'm the only teacher I know who is like this and I've come to the full realization that I need to change my approach completely as I was talking to Ms. K this morning about minor student concerns.

She has become my new teacher role model for years to come, along with Sandra, of course. Ms. K has perfected the art of detaching one's emotion from situations involving students allowing her to be rational and level-headed at all times. She doesn't invest emotion more than necessary in her classes and students. Instead, she devotes her energies to positive things such as her own school initiatives that she runs, student leaders, fun activities outside of school. She doesn't have futile meltdowns like me and have to take days off because she's made herself physically sick.

Everything she told me today made sense and it made me convinced that my go-to strategy in lecturing in an angry state was not constructive. Her strategy is:

•find what will get them to see your side e.g. bribing them with stickers, talk to them after school
•find solutions
•failing or not doing a project is not an option
•"intervene"
•don't yell
•be rational, don't involve your own emotions

I have to put her name in my flower pot with the catch-phrase "rational" to remind me to make a
better effort to approach situations rationally with the goal of being just like her and Sandra one day.

GW