Diary of a Wom'n

It's the middle of the summer. After today, there's only one more month left! I know it's going to fly by. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't go anywhere this summer but I'm over the moon about the new developments in my life. And I can't wait for it all to begin!

My next goal is going to be to finish writing my novel! That's a project that's been on and then off again. Is it in the stars for me to finish it? I hope it is.

I feel incredibly hallow inside right now. That feeling brought on by deep guilt. I hate it. It started with discussion of TW and his usual sour and rotten behaviour. Today I found out that he was upset a while ago because of something my mom said to him in the kitchen and another moment where she said that he could leave if he wanted to.

I have conflicted feelings about him. On the one hand, I want to snap him in half like a twig. He's a spoiled, ungrateful, moody, and weak, pathetic excuse for a man. On the other hand, I feel incredible pity for him because he's such a big sad story. He has grown to become so useless to society. He doesn't have any skills of any kind. He has no money. He has no confidence in himself and he carries himself like a dainty women. And perhaps the most saddest of all is he was never given the opportunity to learn good social habits as he was growing up. He grew up making his own rules, living the way he wants and doing what he wants, when he wants and how he wants it. Now, because of this lost opportunity, he has NOTHING in his life. He's not married, he doesn't have an education, and he has no direction in life. I don't have it in me to say to him, "you need to return my money." When you approach him, he acts so helpless, like a frightened deer. You have no choice but to pity him.

He's also an idiot. Let me count the ways...
-he has sloppy table manners (e.g. slirps his drinks whether hot or cold, drops his food on the floor while eating)
-he has problems using silverware like forks and knives
-he's very particular about what he eats (even though he came from the poorest country in the world)
-he eats about 30 servings for each meal
-he's very keen about his physical appearance
-very keen about his physical health - can't handle the slightest of discomfort and will make a case out of nothing usually
-he complains about his working conditions
-talks on the phone after midnight and has pple calling him after midnight (on our house line so that when it rings, everyone is disturbed from their sleep)
-and so on and so on

I'm so sick of him, let me tell you. Fortunately, he's planning to move out, hopefully on the first of August (which is in a couple of days!) He needs to leave because he acts very uncomfortable being here as it is.

Anyway, keeping my fingers crossed.

GW

This past school year I did an LTO at a middle school for grade 8 core and science. This year, a permanent position opened up at that same school and I went to the interview yesterday. Today, the principal called to inform me that I got the job! How cool is that? I'm super relieved and super excited. Now I can continue organizing my plans and resources for September with the guarantee of knowing where I'll be working for the next year.

And with this new apartment I'm getting, it would be a comfort to have steady and consistent income every month. I could organize my finances a lot easier and not worry too much when I make large purchases. I could save money and maybe even go on vacation next summer.

GW

I didn't mention last week was my birthday. And what did I buy as a treat? A new apartment!

That's right. I was actually on the hunt since May but I finally found the perfect one for the perfect price last week. I signed it off and made arrangments with a broker and the rest is still in process.

I'm looking forward to the closing date in anticipation: August 12. That'll be the day a whole chapter - an entire book, in fact - will be closed and a new one will begin. This will be such a great and much needed change.

I will have the peace that comes with having your own space. The freedom to decorate and furnish it how you please and to keep it orderly the way you want. I won't have to live with someone else's mess and disorganization and funky smells anymore!

I will be the master of my domain, as Seinfeld put it.

GW

Last night I had a cute dream, at least the first part was cute. I was driving somewhere and I was taking the route to go to Square One when suddenly I realized I was going the wrong way. So I'm looking for an exit on the highway but I can't find one. I keep driving until I exit somewhere I'm not familiar with and I happen to stumble upon a university campus. I enter the rec room where there's a group of friendly people. I spoke to one of the girls and began asking her for directions. I started telling her that I left my GPS at home and that I would've been okay if I had it. She then handed me her blackberry phone which had a GPS system on it. She lent it to me to check the roads and before she went and joined her group, told me to press a button as the GPS works on 5-minute intervals.

As I'm scrolling through her blackberry at a table by myself, and in walk a couple of people who join the group that are already there. They also started talking to me a bit. There's an instant connection between me and one of them. He started to be very friendly and I notice, the more friendly he gets, the more unhappy the GPS girl becomes. She started sulking and not talking much. I put two and two together and figured that she probably liked him.

Anyway, we easily fell for each other but in a genuine way. We walked together through the campus and he showed me a couple of good on-campus social gathering buildings.

Then suddenly, I was faced with an interview with my principal and my vp at the same university building. But this was no ordinary interview. I was competing for a job with a teacher who had 22 yrs of experience. In the office, both me and the other candidate were seated in the office together and asked general questions. Then we were asked to choose a pen colour and with this pen, we must write a composition to explain why we would make a better candidate. We were told we had 18.5 hours to complete this. This only became a problem when the next event happened.

I found that my car was towed from the university parking lot. I was livid. There was no number I could call to try to solve this so it was back to the principal's office to notify her about it. Because the building is so big, I got lost several times trying to get to her office.

Then the scene changed to other convoluted things I can't make sense of now.

GW

The great 8 shabang was...over the top to say the least.  After the graduation ceremony, we all headed off to a banquet hall for dinner and dance.  We had a DJ, dry ice, and a dancing principal.  The night was one vodka away from being a prom.  It was ridiculously extravagent for a bunch of 13-year-olds.  This makes me sound like a prude but let's not forget we're dealing with children here.  If we engage them in these activities, what messages are we indirecly sending them?  That they're entitled? That they can be indulgent on someone else's buck?  Why do people complain then when kids act this way then on a regular basis?  Does it make any sense?  We foster this environment where they grow up in and then we curse them for it.

Anyway, the last few days of school were filled with a lot of tears.  A few of my girls in particular had the water works on days in advance.  I was detached fortunately.  I learned my lesson from that day when Aziz moved away.  I was really emotional that day and the days after weren't any easier seeing an empty chair where he used to sit.  Never again, I said so when another student moved away around March, I was fine.  I held it together.

I start my ESL AQ tomorrow.  I hope it's not intense like last year's course.  I also hope the time flies this month.  I just want to get it over with and finish my part 2 and move on to part 3.

GW