Diary of a Wom'n

The following dialogue brooches the topic of forgiveness which I found to be very beautiful. It's from Diaries of a Mad Black Woman.

Mytle: You know I know this man put a hurtin' on you baby, but you've got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you've got to forgive him - not for him, but for you.

Helen: Forgive him for me?

Myrtle: When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.

For a long time, I didn't understand what Myrtle meant that they "take power over you". I considered forgiving a person, especially if they don't deserve it, as condoning what they did and denying that person's responsibility of hurting you.

I get it now. Although it might be more accurate to say that the feelings of hurt the person causes you takes power over you - not necessarily the person himself but rather the hurt and the resentment that they cause. For example, a person who betrays you might cripple your ability to trust (if you let it) or a man who turns his back on you might make you resent all men in the future (again, if you let it). Forgiving the person really means letting go of that particular situation and preventing it from interfering with your other relationships and interactions. You don't have to continue to have them in your life - just forgive them, let go of the grudge and move on.

It's so much easier said than done I can tell you that. In my case for example, I could never forgive the woman I share a house with. How do you forgive someone who from the moment you were born reminds you that they hate being a mother? Who never once uttered the words, "You did a great job" and instead chose to be a bitter, spiteful, nagging, rude, unappreciative, miserable, belly-acher, critical, make-you-want-to-kill-yourself kind of a bitch? How do you forgive that? You can't. If there was one exception to the "forgive" rule, it's this one. You can't forgive a failure of a mother.

GW