Like A Pendulum
(This was supposed to be posted yesterday, Monday 11)
Boy, I really hate feeling complicated. Just when things are looking just peachy, I get a rotten tomato thrown at my face.
I don’t want to turn this blog into a J-fest but I just have too much to say about it. Last night, I called him for a change. I didn’t want him to wonder why he’s doing all the calling so I called him half past 12 a.m. He didn’t pick up. He called me 2.5 seconds later and from his tone, I felt like I intruded on something like he was in the middle of something. He was actually just coming home from a movie with 2 of his friends and he was outside in front of his house. He didn’t sound like his usual self. It was weird.
So I told him to call me after he’s in his house. He does, 2 minutes later and everything was normal again. I had a sick melancholy feeling from the start. Why didn’t he ask me to the movies? I was home since 8.30 p.m.? Not to mention Saturday when I came home 6.30? Did he assume that I wouldn’t be up for it because I’d be too tired?
In his defence, he did think that I finished at 9 on Sunday and he probably thought that was too late for me. He did say later that he should’ve called me. I wanted to say, “you got that right.”
I think he thinks that if he asks me out it has to be with a group of our other friends. I think he thinks that it’ll take the pressure off if our friends are around and it won’t be so heavy.
The just of our conversation was: he watched the movie he bought, watched pirates of the Caribbean, listened to the Teenagers some more, suggested hesitantly to make mixed CDs for each other with songs that we think each other would like, confirmed again that we are going out on July 1st, and then I told him to go have a shower, eat something and call me back since he’d been out. He said he’d call me back after 10 min. An hour later, I’m asleep on the sofa and I get 2 missed calls from him. I didn’t call him back. By the time I woke up it was too late to call anyway and I was way too tired. I didn’t even get to finish my editing for my paper. It’s due today (well, the extension I got ends today.)
I think I’ve had enough. I’m just not up for these stupid games. I don’t know what made me think I can just pretend I can ignore those nagging feelings that things aren’t totally right. I’m better than that. He’s sweet but something is not working. He’s driving me crazy already.
Geez, Louise, am I exhausted.
I just spoke to one of my co-workers, Nev, who also teaches here. She was telling me about her sister with an ulcer problem. She’s only like 19 or so so I’m a little surprised (a lot surprised actually) that she has this problem. You can guess the next thing I did—I drank my whole bottle of Boost energy drink. I brought one today because I never eat lunch, not even a snack so I thought maybe this will at least give me enough energy and all that good stuff. I’m terrified of any organelle conditions, especially the stomach and the colon.
This is the last week of my course and then I’m going to have the qualification. This is my first AQ.
GW
Boy, I really hate feeling complicated. Just when things are looking just peachy, I get a rotten tomato thrown at my face.
I don’t want to turn this blog into a J-fest but I just have too much to say about it. Last night, I called him for a change. I didn’t want him to wonder why he’s doing all the calling so I called him half past 12 a.m. He didn’t pick up. He called me 2.5 seconds later and from his tone, I felt like I intruded on something like he was in the middle of something. He was actually just coming home from a movie with 2 of his friends and he was outside in front of his house. He didn’t sound like his usual self. It was weird.
So I told him to call me after he’s in his house. He does, 2 minutes later and everything was normal again. I had a sick melancholy feeling from the start. Why didn’t he ask me to the movies? I was home since 8.30 p.m.? Not to mention Saturday when I came home 6.30? Did he assume that I wouldn’t be up for it because I’d be too tired?
In his defence, he did think that I finished at 9 on Sunday and he probably thought that was too late for me. He did say later that he should’ve called me. I wanted to say, “you got that right.”
I think he thinks that if he asks me out it has to be with a group of our other friends. I think he thinks that it’ll take the pressure off if our friends are around and it won’t be so heavy.
The just of our conversation was: he watched the movie he bought, watched pirates of the Caribbean, listened to the Teenagers some more, suggested hesitantly to make mixed CDs for each other with songs that we think each other would like, confirmed again that we are going out on July 1st, and then I told him to go have a shower, eat something and call me back since he’d been out. He said he’d call me back after 10 min. An hour later, I’m asleep on the sofa and I get 2 missed calls from him. I didn’t call him back. By the time I woke up it was too late to call anyway and I was way too tired. I didn’t even get to finish my editing for my paper. It’s due today (well, the extension I got ends today.)
I think I’ve had enough. I’m just not up for these stupid games. I don’t know what made me think I can just pretend I can ignore those nagging feelings that things aren’t totally right. I’m better than that. He’s sweet but something is not working. He’s driving me crazy already.
Geez, Louise, am I exhausted.
I just spoke to one of my co-workers, Nev, who also teaches here. She was telling me about her sister with an ulcer problem. She’s only like 19 or so so I’m a little surprised (a lot surprised actually) that she has this problem. You can guess the next thing I did—I drank my whole bottle of Boost energy drink. I brought one today because I never eat lunch, not even a snack so I thought maybe this will at least give me enough energy and all that good stuff. I’m terrified of any organelle conditions, especially the stomach and the colon.
This is the last week of my course and then I’m going to have the qualification. This is my first AQ.
GW
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