A Glimmer
I thought I was getting better at concealing my feelings but apparently I'm still an open book. A few days ago, my boss's wife looked at me intently and asked if I was feeling okay. I told her yes, that I was just really tired.
Then this afternoon, my boss asked if I was doing okay. I said yes, and I thought that was the end of that. In the afternoon, he asked me again if everything was okay in my life. Something like, "Grace, is everything really okay? I feel like something is worrying you. It seems like something is bothering you physically or mentally."
"No, I'm okay. Thank you for asking me."
"If there is, I'd like you to talk to me about it. I can help you out."
"Thank you but I'm fine."
Wow, I knew I didn't hide my feelings well but I didn't know I was THAT transparent. What was I supposed to say to him?
"Yes, something is terribly wrong with me. Everyday, I feel like I'm going mental. I can't handle the pressure around me anymore."
Please.
A few follow up thoughts on the crappy interview. This is how I imagined it went in my head after all the questions:
"Do you have any questions?"
"Yes, I got f*cking questions for you. Do you have any idea how nerve-wracking it is to have 2 people interview you? Didn't I already go through this at the board level? What is the point of this crap? Do you both not have an entire school to run?"
"This is how we do it at this school and might I add your tone is--"
"F*ck my tone. I got another question for you. Have you forgotten that you were once in my position? Have you forgotten that you were once a groveling white slug? Do you think you're shak now? Don't you think it's time to get off your high-horse?" Many attempts to interrupt me in this debacle.
"This interview is over. Get out."
"Oh, I'm out."
Slam!
I was having sinful thoughts since that day. I just thought what is the point in all this. Okay, eventually I'll get a job. Then what? Wait for another crisis? Sometimes I think it's me. It's all me. I think EVERYTHING is a crisis. And I take EVERYTHING personally. I take offense very easily. Why oh why don't I develop thick skin?
***
On another note, J and I are going away for the long weekend, to Quebec or Montreal. It's getting a little more serious. I'm starting to adore him. On Friday night, he called me but I missed the call. Then I returned his call but he asked to call me back in 10 min. He ended up calling after 20 min and by then I was fast asleep on the sofa. On Sunday I found out that he was calling from work that Friday. It wasn't the first time he called from work but that day he was in the middle of a problem. I asked why then would he call me. He said, "I wanted to talk to you before you went to sleep. I knew you had your interview, I wanted to know how it went."
awwwww.
Then just today he sent me a facebook msg saying he got me another one of my favourite movies which I haven't been able to find! He is so sweet! I love the way he thinks about me during the day.
I think if we have any time left in our long weekend, we'll see a musical. Knowing him, he's probably got tickets right now.
***
Another thing I keep forgetting to mention is one of my high school students one day was wearing a nice blue shirt. The colour really suited him so before I could stop myself I told him so. Then, for the next few weeks, he'd often wear that same shirt and shirts similar to it. Sometimes I forget that I am not just another person but a teacher who can so easily influence a child.
***
I also forgot to mention the little robbery that happened right before my eyes at Staples. I was waiting at the cash register to pay for my merchandise when all of a sudden, some guy blazes right in front of me as if the devil himself was chasing him. One his way out, he totally busted one of the revolving doors. I heard the wide-eyed workers say that he stole a credit-thing. I don't know exactly. 2 things I was not impressed with:
1. There was no finesse in the act of pilfering on the part of the amateur. I mean, running away from the store? Yeah, that's definitely not going to draw attention to yourself.
2. Besides looking around with an expression of disapproval, when did it become the protocol to do absolutely nothing in an event of a petty robbery? For shame. I would have done nothing less than tail that sob.
Then later on my way to the parking lot, I had a pleasant confrontation with another sob. She was parked next to me. I had reversed parked. She had not. I was getting into my car and was on the phone at the same time (sharing the earlier event to someone) when all of a sudden, I hear a thud on my car door. What do I see but that blind bat slam her car door on mine. Thank god I took the crappy car that day but nevertheless, the damage would have been on her car, not mine b/c the face of her car door hit the edge of mine. Then in my naivette, I waited for an apology from her--what I got was a dirty look. She got out very pissed, uttering unintelligible things--curse words no doubt but I took the defense. I wanted her to approach me but she didn't. Too bad b/c I wanted to throw in a little woopass to an already amusing day. But it was for the best because it was hot and I was getting late for work.
A few days later, I witnessed another act of crime. I didn't know what happened exactly. All I saw was 2 officers escorting a man in cuffs right in front of me at the grocery store.
What is happening to this world?
Then this afternoon, my boss asked if I was doing okay. I said yes, and I thought that was the end of that. In the afternoon, he asked me again if everything was okay in my life. Something like, "Grace, is everything really okay? I feel like something is worrying you. It seems like something is bothering you physically or mentally."
"No, I'm okay. Thank you for asking me."
"If there is, I'd like you to talk to me about it. I can help you out."
"Thank you but I'm fine."
Wow, I knew I didn't hide my feelings well but I didn't know I was THAT transparent. What was I supposed to say to him?
"Yes, something is terribly wrong with me. Everyday, I feel like I'm going mental. I can't handle the pressure around me anymore."
Please.
A few follow up thoughts on the crappy interview. This is how I imagined it went in my head after all the questions:
"Do you have any questions?"
"Yes, I got f*cking questions for you. Do you have any idea how nerve-wracking it is to have 2 people interview you? Didn't I already go through this at the board level? What is the point of this crap? Do you both not have an entire school to run?"
"This is how we do it at this school and might I add your tone is--"
"F*ck my tone. I got another question for you. Have you forgotten that you were once in my position? Have you forgotten that you were once a groveling white slug? Do you think you're shak now? Don't you think it's time to get off your high-horse?" Many attempts to interrupt me in this debacle.
"This interview is over. Get out."
"Oh, I'm out."
Slam!
I was having sinful thoughts since that day. I just thought what is the point in all this. Okay, eventually I'll get a job. Then what? Wait for another crisis? Sometimes I think it's me. It's all me. I think EVERYTHING is a crisis. And I take EVERYTHING personally. I take offense very easily. Why oh why don't I develop thick skin?
***
On another note, J and I are going away for the long weekend, to Quebec or Montreal. It's getting a little more serious. I'm starting to adore him. On Friday night, he called me but I missed the call. Then I returned his call but he asked to call me back in 10 min. He ended up calling after 20 min and by then I was fast asleep on the sofa. On Sunday I found out that he was calling from work that Friday. It wasn't the first time he called from work but that day he was in the middle of a problem. I asked why then would he call me. He said, "I wanted to talk to you before you went to sleep. I knew you had your interview, I wanted to know how it went."
awwwww.
Then just today he sent me a facebook msg saying he got me another one of my favourite movies which I haven't been able to find! He is so sweet! I love the way he thinks about me during the day.
I think if we have any time left in our long weekend, we'll see a musical. Knowing him, he's probably got tickets right now.
***
Another thing I keep forgetting to mention is one of my high school students one day was wearing a nice blue shirt. The colour really suited him so before I could stop myself I told him so. Then, for the next few weeks, he'd often wear that same shirt and shirts similar to it. Sometimes I forget that I am not just another person but a teacher who can so easily influence a child.
***
I also forgot to mention the little robbery that happened right before my eyes at Staples. I was waiting at the cash register to pay for my merchandise when all of a sudden, some guy blazes right in front of me as if the devil himself was chasing him. One his way out, he totally busted one of the revolving doors. I heard the wide-eyed workers say that he stole a credit-thing. I don't know exactly. 2 things I was not impressed with:
1. There was no finesse in the act of pilfering on the part of the amateur. I mean, running away from the store? Yeah, that's definitely not going to draw attention to yourself.
2. Besides looking around with an expression of disapproval, when did it become the protocol to do absolutely nothing in an event of a petty robbery? For shame. I would have done nothing less than tail that sob.
Then later on my way to the parking lot, I had a pleasant confrontation with another sob. She was parked next to me. I had reversed parked. She had not. I was getting into my car and was on the phone at the same time (sharing the earlier event to someone) when all of a sudden, I hear a thud on my car door. What do I see but that blind bat slam her car door on mine. Thank god I took the crappy car that day but nevertheless, the damage would have been on her car, not mine b/c the face of her car door hit the edge of mine. Then in my naivette, I waited for an apology from her--what I got was a dirty look. She got out very pissed, uttering unintelligible things--curse words no doubt but I took the defense. I wanted her to approach me but she didn't. Too bad b/c I wanted to throw in a little woopass to an already amusing day. But it was for the best because it was hot and I was getting late for work.
A few days later, I witnessed another act of crime. I didn't know what happened exactly. All I saw was 2 officers escorting a man in cuffs right in front of me at the grocery store.
What is happening to this world?
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