Midsummer Dreams
I just had to write today. Just look at the date: 07/07/07. Far out...
Well, yesterday I felt like crap to the tenth degree but today I felt much better for no reason at all. And then I rained on that parade by searching for teaching jobs not just in Toronto but also in the states. It's a bitch no matter where I look. I don't know why people are telling me it's better in the states. It's not better. On top of that there's still the stupid hurdle of being registered a teacher under the particular state.
I want to send an application to Taiwan but I want to see if I'll get supply teaching gigs in September. If things look bleak, by February I'm applying overseas.
I had such a sad dream last night. It involved Heri, I don't know why. We were together and living in the states. He was a lifeguard and just got promoted. Lifeguard positions in the states apparently were respectable and was a field where there were opportunities for growth. So Heri got promoted and I was just waiting for him after work as he was putting things away with his partner. Then I watched him go to his locker to put away his things. Heri (in real life) had always been kind of husky but in this dream he seemed to have gained a lot of weight. He also had a female figure from the back. As he was walking away, I knew people were staring and snickering but I didn't care one bit b/c I totally adored him. Then I followed him to a meeting for all the lifeguards and waited outside the door. But it seemed that I had to leave to go somewhere that was preplanned, like out of the city or something. So I called out Heri from his meeting to say our last goodbyes and told him my time's up. Then I mentioned to him that if he got a job in a distant place that I would go with him there. I asked him if he would do the same for me and he said, "Mm...I don't think I would."
"You wouldn't?"
Heri shakes his head.
"Oh."
I remember the feeling of devastation at that moment. Something went wrong. I told him "So this is it. I'll see ya."
"Yeah, see ya."
I didn't know what happened but I felt that it was suddenly over ever so mysteriously. I turned to leave and he turned to enter the meeting room. Just when I reached the exit of the building I thought it wasn't enough to assume that he wasn't interested in me anymore. I needed to hear him say it so I retraced my steps and pulled him out of the meeting. I didn't have the words once we were outside of the meeting room and it was just as well because there was a lot of commotion around us and people jostling us and talking so loud. So I asked to go elsewhere and we opened the door to a room we thought was vacant but turned out there was a class going on there. I simply closed back the door and we both stood outside the door. I was about to begin asking him what's going on but that's when I woke up.
Totally bizarre. I have these dreams where my conscious recalls people from the past that I don't talk to anymore.
I haven't made progress on that novel I spoke of but I think I will this week.
GW
Well, yesterday I felt like crap to the tenth degree but today I felt much better for no reason at all. And then I rained on that parade by searching for teaching jobs not just in Toronto but also in the states. It's a bitch no matter where I look. I don't know why people are telling me it's better in the states. It's not better. On top of that there's still the stupid hurdle of being registered a teacher under the particular state.
I want to send an application to Taiwan but I want to see if I'll get supply teaching gigs in September. If things look bleak, by February I'm applying overseas.
I had such a sad dream last night. It involved Heri, I don't know why. We were together and living in the states. He was a lifeguard and just got promoted. Lifeguard positions in the states apparently were respectable and was a field where there were opportunities for growth. So Heri got promoted and I was just waiting for him after work as he was putting things away with his partner. Then I watched him go to his locker to put away his things. Heri (in real life) had always been kind of husky but in this dream he seemed to have gained a lot of weight. He also had a female figure from the back. As he was walking away, I knew people were staring and snickering but I didn't care one bit b/c I totally adored him. Then I followed him to a meeting for all the lifeguards and waited outside the door. But it seemed that I had to leave to go somewhere that was preplanned, like out of the city or something. So I called out Heri from his meeting to say our last goodbyes and told him my time's up. Then I mentioned to him that if he got a job in a distant place that I would go with him there. I asked him if he would do the same for me and he said, "Mm...I don't think I would."
"You wouldn't?"
Heri shakes his head.
"Oh."
I remember the feeling of devastation at that moment. Something went wrong. I told him "So this is it. I'll see ya."
"Yeah, see ya."
I didn't know what happened but I felt that it was suddenly over ever so mysteriously. I turned to leave and he turned to enter the meeting room. Just when I reached the exit of the building I thought it wasn't enough to assume that he wasn't interested in me anymore. I needed to hear him say it so I retraced my steps and pulled him out of the meeting. I didn't have the words once we were outside of the meeting room and it was just as well because there was a lot of commotion around us and people jostling us and talking so loud. So I asked to go elsewhere and we opened the door to a room we thought was vacant but turned out there was a class going on there. I simply closed back the door and we both stood outside the door. I was about to begin asking him what's going on but that's when I woke up.
Totally bizarre. I have these dreams where my conscious recalls people from the past that I don't talk to anymore.
I haven't made progress on that novel I spoke of but I think I will this week.
GW
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