Diary of a Wom'n

My best friend Cher Bear has some good thing going for her. She’s back together with her high school bfriend and is enjoying travelling as much as Castro enjoys a good cigar. She just recently came back from somewhere, I can’t keep track anymore. She took beautiful pictures, one with her and him posed sitting on the sandy beach with mesmerizing blue skies as a backdrop. It was picture perfect. It’s wonderful how everyone has some highlight in their life that we can all admire and be a little jealous of no matter where we are in life. Some have degrees, some have children, some have grand ambitions, some have incredible talents…

Like one student I teach is two belts away from being a black belt. Her appearance though totally gives a different impression. She looks like a typical teenager consumed in teenage drama, clothes, gossip, and that sort of thing. But she’s wildly different from that. When she told me, I was in disbelief. How wonderful of her to have such talent not to mention the security of knowing she can kick some ass.

Recalling my time in teacher’s college brings back mixed emotion. I passionately hated the “academic” part if you can call the 8 months of wasted time that. On the other hand, I met such wonderful people there. I miss them very much.

Like Big Ben. He was a real family man. He was ruthless but very very sweet. He used to tell me about the first time coming to Canada and feeling very dazed because of the culture shock. He had his wife and kids so he couldn’t fall apart. He had to keep it together and he did. I hope that he is doing well.

The other wonderful person who I think about almost everyday is Liam. He was so beautifully human and charming. He was really one in a million. I remember at first meeting him, I was a little put off by his presence, the way he was so easily confident and tall. Who did he think he was impressing?

But then very early during the year at teacher’s college, I was in his group for some class discussion and he was so considerate and such a good listener. While I was talking at one point, he looked like he was listening to my every word and when I was finished, he seemed to think about what I had just finished saying and slightly nodded his head to no one in particular.

As time went on, Liam and I got closer, especially in part of being arranged in the same first teaching site. He was a great support there. I loved chatting with him about our experiences and stories about the students (we shared some of the kids because of rotary). One time, I was very disappointed about something and didn’t discuss it much with him and the other colleagues who were also placed at that same school. But later that evening, he called me to say that he was sad to see me unhappy that day and ask if I was doing okay now. He said he didn’t like to see someone who cares as much and is as committed as much as I am to be have someone make me feel like that. I just wanted to cry. I only knew him for about a couple of months at that point but already I loved him. He was so genuinely kind.

Sometime close the end of the year, Liam suddenly came up to me and said that I he wanted to tell me something for so long (because of increasing workload in class and an even busier schedule, we were all so very busy and hardly saw a glimpse of each other). He said that his wife was going to have a baby. He didn’t tell this to anyone else. I was so happy for him, especially because he seemed to beam in light of this new revelation.

By the end of the school year, it was very very hard for me to accept that I would probably not see him again. I gave him a card and stupid me forgot the gift I was supposed to give him at home on the last day. The last things he said to me was how his wife was curious about me and suspicious about what was going on, in a joking manner because he often spoke about me to her. How could I tell him how truly lucky his wife is without alluding to anything taboo? I can’t even admit out loud what I’m thinking. I could never go there.

I didn’t keep in touch with him after that. It would have been too hard for me. I had told him that I wanted to see the baby when he/she was born but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Maybe if things were different.

I truly miss him.

GW