Diary of a Wom'n

I have a pulsating ick factor happening right now.  It started from this morning.  I think I need to be honest with myself about something.  I'm not exactly the person Mo sees me to be, as much as he'd like.  And he's not exactly the kind of person I'd be forever happy with even though he appears picture perfect.  He's an acquarius and they're the most out of touch people when it comes to matters of the heart.  They're not the type who'll indulge in romance too much or utter flatteries to you.  Their excitment stems from intelligent discussions and meditation.  Romance is last on their list.  I'm not writing him off based on what his sign says but because he actually IS this way.  I noticed it.

Joel now is someone who's more like me in the romance department.  When we're together, we have raging passion.  He's incredibly driven by emotion and feelings.  He's open about his sexuality in a non-threatening kind of way and he's always eager to just sweep me away.  He's like a helium balloon ready to take off into the sky. Unfortunately, we can never be together.

I finally wrote back to Djibril.  He had written me way back in the end of Jan.  It's now near the end of March.  Apparently, his absence was due to his mother being ill.  He had to travel to Africa to visit her but eventually, she passed away.  He said he thought of me while he was away and he tried emailing me during the time he was there but the letters didn't go through.  Hopefully he responds and doesn't get offended by my long silence.  I had just been putting it off and before I new it, one day turned to weeks and weeks.

Tristan is the one I really have to connect with again.  The poor guy probably thinks I'm the biggest jerk in town.  I say I'll call him in a few days, but it usually ends up being months later.  I should really call him though and meet up this weekend.  Unless Mo wants to come down and see me.

Anyway, I'm trying to let go of my bad feelings about Mo.  I feel like it's over before it has even started.  What triggered this?  It's the fact that I responded to his email yesterday, and I wrote a lovely detailed letter, and he responded with only a few sentences in return.  It's the fact that on our date, he put gospel music on in his car.  It's that he lives far away like Isaac.  And to put the proverbial icing on the cake, his good friend's name is Isaac.  It's just all a bad sign, a nagging indication of an impending bad situation.

I'm going to do as Dee had said, keep it open and have my own fun.

GW