Diary of a Wom'n

Life can now begin! I'm moving into my new apartment this weekend! Tomorrow will mark the day I will sleep in my own my own my OWN place. I'm so ecstatic, I can't think about anything else (except for upcoming vacations and my new job).

So far, only the bed and accessories have arrived.  I've washed, set-up and put in a few kitchen supplies and the shades for the windows have been put up. 

In another month it's going to look more like a home. MY home.

GW

TW moved out on the first of August which was a Sunday.  It was not an easy day.  First of all, TW's unwillingness to move out was apparent to me a few days before that day.  Here's how I know:

1.  He didn't show any enthusiasm when the landlord agreed to rent him the room for $50 less.
2.  He didn't call the landlord to tell him he accepts the costs and let him know that he wants to move in.
3.  He didn't get the exact address of the place.
4.  He didn't pack his belongings

So what happened?  On the morning of moving day, he goes to church and stays out all morning and all afternoon.  We had no idea what time he was planning to come and we had no way to get in touch with him.  After he enjoyed his time, he saunters home at about 2.30pm.

Keep in mind he has not packed yet.  It's moving day.  And we had the truck till only about 5pm.

So what does this fool do?  Starts shoving his things in a box and jamming clothes in suitcases.  He had to make a mad dash to pack up like his bottom was on fire.  With all the rushing and dashing, I knew he was bound to forget something in the house and just as I predicted, I later found he forgot a few pictures on my bookshelf.  Idiot.

What I can't figure out is how do you leave packing to the last hour? This isn't packing to go on vacation with the eventuality of coming back home, this is moving out for good.  He didn't even come to any agreement with the landlord.  He didn't call to confirm anything with him.  As far as the landlord knew, nobody was moving into the place.

In all honesty, I think TW wanted to brush the idea of moving out under the carpet because he didn't want to do it anymore.  He didn't want to commit to hsi plans anymore.  And he hoped that we wouldn't say anything about it and just let it pass and revert back to him living here as before.  Just doing the same thing everyday.

I can't decide whether he has failed himself or he was failed by his society.  Who's to blame for his total incompetence at everything?

GW

Today's horoscope is very insightful.

Thursday, Aug 5th, 2010 -- Your core values around material possessions can strongly impact the decisions you make today. If you have childhood recollections of dissatisfaction, you could be motivated now to accumulate more than you need. If you link the idea of happiness with collecting money or things, you might wonder what you are missing. You can free yourself from your past if you stay focused on the present moment. By Rick Levine

GW

I just came back from Amy's wedding. It was a western wedding with some Hungarian elements such as the dancing and wedding customs. The banquet hall was nothing uncommon but the food was good. Her brother was the MC and he was great. He seems like a good brother.

I thought that being there was going to make me feel out of place, annoyed and far away. I was only a little annoyed. Amy's mother was her usual self - a cold fish with a stone where her heart should be. Glad I don't have to see her often. She was the source of my annoyance. I didn't care for her little princess either: source of annoyance no. 2.

Normally, weddings remind me of things I don't have, a large family, many brothers and sisters, a big  network of friends. Amy's husband's friends were amazing; they all - about 6 of them - flew over here from Hungary to support him and be part of his wedding. How amazing is that?

I think I overcame that usual empty feeling by delighting in the fact that I have reached my own milestones. And remembered the fact that I do have my network of close friends. I don't have a big family but that's okay. Joy doesn't come in numbers, it comes in small packages anyway.

GW

It's the middle of the summer. After today, there's only one more month left! I know it's going to fly by. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't go anywhere this summer but I'm over the moon about the new developments in my life. And I can't wait for it all to begin!

My next goal is going to be to finish writing my novel! That's a project that's been on and then off again. Is it in the stars for me to finish it? I hope it is.

I feel incredibly hallow inside right now. That feeling brought on by deep guilt. I hate it. It started with discussion of TW and his usual sour and rotten behaviour. Today I found out that he was upset a while ago because of something my mom said to him in the kitchen and another moment where she said that he could leave if he wanted to.

I have conflicted feelings about him. On the one hand, I want to snap him in half like a twig. He's a spoiled, ungrateful, moody, and weak, pathetic excuse for a man. On the other hand, I feel incredible pity for him because he's such a big sad story. He has grown to become so useless to society. He doesn't have any skills of any kind. He has no money. He has no confidence in himself and he carries himself like a dainty women. And perhaps the most saddest of all is he was never given the opportunity to learn good social habits as he was growing up. He grew up making his own rules, living the way he wants and doing what he wants, when he wants and how he wants it. Now, because of this lost opportunity, he has NOTHING in his life. He's not married, he doesn't have an education, and he has no direction in life. I don't have it in me to say to him, "you need to return my money." When you approach him, he acts so helpless, like a frightened deer. You have no choice but to pity him.

He's also an idiot. Let me count the ways...
-he has sloppy table manners (e.g. slirps his drinks whether hot or cold, drops his food on the floor while eating)
-he has problems using silverware like forks and knives
-he's very particular about what he eats (even though he came from the poorest country in the world)
-he eats about 30 servings for each meal
-he's very keen about his physical appearance
-very keen about his physical health - can't handle the slightest of discomfort and will make a case out of nothing usually
-he complains about his working conditions
-talks on the phone after midnight and has pple calling him after midnight (on our house line so that when it rings, everyone is disturbed from their sleep)
-and so on and so on

I'm so sick of him, let me tell you. Fortunately, he's planning to move out, hopefully on the first of August (which is in a couple of days!) He needs to leave because he acts very uncomfortable being here as it is.

Anyway, keeping my fingers crossed.

GW

This past school year I did an LTO at a middle school for grade 8 core and science. This year, a permanent position opened up at that same school and I went to the interview yesterday. Today, the principal called to inform me that I got the job! How cool is that? I'm super relieved and super excited. Now I can continue organizing my plans and resources for September with the guarantee of knowing where I'll be working for the next year.

And with this new apartment I'm getting, it would be a comfort to have steady and consistent income every month. I could organize my finances a lot easier and not worry too much when I make large purchases. I could save money and maybe even go on vacation next summer.

GW