Diary of a Wom'n

Theo said it best: Marriage is where romance goes to die!

In any society, those who choose a path of solitary and independence over marriage and children are silently stigmitized and labelled many things - selfish, unfulfilled, spinster...but this is inaccurate.
Lately, I've been doing some reflecting and it dawned on me that I don't actually like the chores and routines that a marriage brings.  I like everything about a relationship right up until the wedding day.  After that, nothing looks thrilling to me.  Especially now, having listened to and observed several married couples and their plights, such as the following.

#1 Marriage makes you complacent

For example, Charls no longer is the fun, spirited person she used to be. We used to gossip, bitch about people and talk about our relationships.  Now, the only thing she concerns herself with are family get-togethers.  Also, I notice with a lot of couples who've been together for a long time, they don't mention their partners in conversations.  It's like their partners have become an old shoe they don't want anymore.

#2 Marriage doesn't garantee "till death do us part"

Michele told me her story of being married for 10 years to her husband before divorcing him for cheating on her.  After 10 years of marriage?  1-3 years I can understand, but not after that long.  You expect to get old together when you reach a decade of being together, not divorcing and having to go through that mess of splitting up your assets and children.  And how do you begin to think of doing that all over again with someone else?

#3 Marriage trades away your independence

Joel and his story has to be the ultimate tragedy and the disaster that scares me.  When he first married his wife, it was a blissful time.  They loved each other and enjoyed their time together.  But soon, bitter feelings towards each other started to emerge and now they are bordering on hatred.  They can't stand each other.  Emotionally they are separated but now Joel is planning to go through a formal divorce when the time is right.  The ugly part of the divorce is going to be custody issues, child-payment and spousal support payments, and splitting the ownership of the house between them.

I don't ever want to go through a situation where I have to fight for what's mine.  There's no questions about it - what I worked for, and saved for is mine, and to fight me on that, you'd have to go to hell and back.  I absolutely don't like how marriage erases that clear distinction of what belongs to you and them.

#4 Marriage chains you to your partner's stupid annoying habits

Once you marry your man/woman, you marry their annoying habits as well.  And the trouble with this is that sometimes you don't become aware of certain things until after you marry them and move in together.  And it's not like you can just tell them off and leave to your own house bc your place is now with him/her!

So after much reflection, independence has nothing to do with being selfish.  Nor does it lead to an unfulfilled life.  It's actually quite fulfilling as you lead a life on your own terms, pace and time.  YOU call the shots when YOU want to.  It's rather freeing.  You avoid a lot of the pitfalls and limitations of marriage and the only thing you're limited by is the sky!

GW