Diary of a Wom'n

5 months later, I'm still where I was in March. I had the most saddest dream last night. Isaac and I were at some kinda lecture and we were sitting together and just flirting, every now and then, we had the admiration of those around us. I think the lecturer herself put her attention on us and said something to us, and the rest of the audience giggled and looked at us fondly. At one point, I was feeling his leg where he did the operation and he didn't have his leg brace on anymore. He had healed already. You can imagine how I felt when I woke up. I didn't leave my bed until 11.30, I was so incredibly miserable.

I don't understand why I'm dreaming about him. This isn't the first time, it happens frequently. It's not that I want him back into my life, I just really miss him. We just ended it so abruptly, I didn't get any closure. We didn't fight, or have a solid last good-bye talk or anything.

God, you have no idea how much I miss him. Sometimes, when I'm talking really fast to my guy friends, I almost call them by his name but I catch myself before I do it. I'm sick, aren't I?

Getting over him has been really difficult. How can I possibly do this with someone else? I finally understand it why people write encouraging songs about being able to love again. Some pple need to hear that, but for me, it all sounds like this: crap. I will NEVER let myself love someone the way I let myself love Isaac. Mark my words. It will never happen.

Remember that guy I bumped into last year? Well his name is Joel (not his legal name, apparently). But he and I have gotten close. There's a whole crazy story behind him that'll have to wait for another time but basically, he's becoming a really good friend. We are going out this saturday. I can't wait. I want him to tell me more about his life and I want to tell him about mine and give me good advice. I want to see his child also who has the perfect name on earth: Jordan!

Well, my novel has shaping up. I changed the idea totally since the last time I mentioned it here. It's better now, and more succinct.

I'm on the occasional teacher roster but my profile hasn't been updated yet, so I'm waiting for that to happen. I think it'll take another 2 weeks. Then I'll be getting calls (daily, I hope) for supply teaching jobs (and making more money than I didn't think was possible).

My braces are on and in the next few weeks, I'm pulling 3 teeth out. After that, I'll start seeing my teeth moving into their proper places. I really can't wait for it.

At work, we've done renovations to give more space in the office. I'll have my own working space now, not that it was really necessary.

Last, the sponsorship application is in and I can't wait for this process to get going and have TWF come to Canada.

Oh, in case you were keeping score, now everyone, every single one I knew, is married.

Is it weird that I am looking forward to winter? Wasn't it winter just yesterday?

GW