Diary of a Wom'n

Wednesday July 16 2014 6 am

What a week This week has been even wilder than last! I went to Cuba with Kim and her friend for their friend's wedding and I tagged along for the vacation. It turned out great, met a lot of nice people that were part of the wedding party and new people that were at the resort. Let me list them off in order, Michael, Neo, Paul, Sean, and lastly at the airport today, Abdi. Michael was from the UK and is doing his first year of res at Med school and is 25 years old. I was sad that he was 25. He's too young to really want to get serious about anyone. All 25 year olds are like that. Next, Neo was El Salvadoran, has 3 kids, was on vacation with his kids and his divorced wife (don't ask because I have no idea how that makes any sense) and was too sexually aggressive. Crossed him out pretty fast. Next, there was Paul who was an Egyptian-Indian 29 year old who lives in West Toronto. And he is HUGE. He's like the hulk. He had such a sexy body. He travels all over the world for work and works for GE as a chemical engineer. He works in the field of water purification. The first night we went in the pool, talked late into the night on the beach chairs but due to the mosquitoes, I had to call it a night although he was tried to convince me that sleeping outside is what he does. We planned to meet up the next day at my room but he didn't show while I was there, and he didn't call either. So I don't have his contact at all. Then there was Sean. He was a sweet gentleman who for the entire week I thought was married because he was an older guy. The night before we had to leave Cuba, we chatted for a long time outside the disco and in the pool, along with the others. We all got close that last night. Sean and I were one of the last to leave the pool around 3 am. He is in the army as a corporal, I think, I can't remember the title but it's a few ranks higher than a trooper. He works with the other men that were in the wedding party. The following day, the day we had to check out of our hotel, we spent a lot more time together. We sat together on our flight and there was never a moment of silence between us, we talked and talked and talked and walked together at the airport and he helped me when I needed it. He was a true gentleman and he has never been married surprisingly. Well, we traded email addresses and I think we will definitely talk some more. I think he would be a great travel buddy too.

Remind me to tell you about Jake and the period incident.

GW

So Sal introduced me to a guy friend of hers not too long ago. Yesterday we had our first date. We went to a baseball game and then had dinner after. I had such a great time,

Wednesday May 29
EQAO Week






It Only Gets Worse

Sunday July 6 2014

You won't begin to believe what the past week was like for me starting last Sunday night. I am seeing someone but in a different light. I really got to know him better and he reminds me of Isaac so much. His name is Tom. I work with him which is what makes all this difficult. We're not supposed to get involved with other employees,... plus he's married, but his marriage has been lifeless for the past ten years and he wants a life with someone else. I'll have to tell you more another time but I will say this as a last thought, I'm falling for him like I fell for Isaac. He has charmed his way into my life.

GW

Thursday May 8 2014

I had a sweet dream a couple of days ago. I dreamt I had a toddler son who calls me on the phone to ask me to pick him up from the location he was at and also to tell me that his step father or some other close family member was forcing him to call him dad and my son did not like this. At one point he was in my arms and I was carrying him. I loved him.

GW

THIS FCKING BLOG IS RETARDED. REPEATEDLY DELETES WHAT I WRITE.

I just finished typing out an entire blog and it all disappeared! I'm not rewriting it. Here was the jist of it...I am surplused at my new school but I will likely be recalled. I'm getting a student teacher who's starting tomorrow. I'm going to Cuba and Costa Rica this summer for vacation. I bought a diamond ring for nearly 4 grand and got another one custom made all in the same week. The occasion? Myself! The first one is a gorgeous halo pave and it is perfectly my style. And Sal and Dave broke up for a second time.

My next quest is to buy another apartment, one for myself to make a home! So I'm back on a cash diet again because I seriously need to save money.

GW
Sunday April 27 2014

GW

 
I had such an awesome dream last night. I was dating Chris Rock and we were at his house, more like a palace really. To get to another room, seemed like we had to take public transportation. His house was huge for just him alone. So there I was, the two of us together and so into each other. At one point, he wanted to take a shower so we walked arms wrapped around each other for what seemed to be a mile, going down the stairs, passing by crowds of admiring people, me loving every moment of it, and entering a room that was spacious but warm. I vaguely remember the rest and other juicy details but the feeling was unquestionable.

GW

Argon said the cutest thing last week. The conversation went something like this:







GW

July 2011

In my case, I've been having a great time doing just the simple things with Habs. We went to the Danforth festival, managed to eat and then get full on a spinach pie, and as a result, forced to forgo eating some of the undoubtedly delicious signature souvlaki sticks. Alas, we had to make our way home not having tried the mark of Greek cuisine. Aside from that, we saw performers who put on dance numbers on stage, listened to Greek music by a live band, and we got a chance to visit a shop that sold authentic wooden crafts, statues, masks and other valuables from Zimbabwe. My favourite things were the majestic giraffe statues. I would have bought one if the price hadn't totally made me strike out that plan ($200).

We also bought jewellery from a street vendor, which I later discovered was a family owned business and they have their own shop on Yonge St. I want to go there before I go back to work. They have jewellery that's exactly my style - earthy and natural.

Though the event hosted an uncomfortably enormous number of people, I liked it nonetheless. It made the event more festive and lively.

Last week, we went to the Harborfront, in hopes of catching a movie. Unfortunately, it was a movie with my arch enemy, Angelina so we had to pass on that. Instead, we did some sight seeing around the lakeshore where the boats were. I loved that area. It felt like a little fishing town but very upscale. It made me debate as to whether I'd like to live in such a busy part of the city in a condo or in a sleepy town in a house.

Late in July, we also went to the Toronto Jazz Festival, which was fabulous. I didn't expect the music to be so exotic - it was a mix of Jazz and Indian. It was the first time I've been there and I'm glad I went. I'll be going back there for sure next year.

This summer has been great so far. I didn't do much, as I didn't have any grand plans, but I like it exactly because of that. I needed a summer where I appreciate the time off and focus most of my energy on relaxing. Which I did. And not focus on job hunting, house hunting, stressing out about life, or the like. I think this is the first summer I've truly enjoyed the summer break.

GW

2012...you came and went and I didn't even get to say hello much less good-bye. You went by too fast and left behind a blur.

Well, first, I'm 30 now and in my 4th year of teaching. I'm continuing to rent my condo but I have inclinations to sell the place the first chance I get. My car has been paid off and I'm once again saving up money for the next big thing.

Why am I here blogging after all this time? I need help sorting through my thoughts as I reflect about balancing my own mental well-being and my students'. When it comes to work, I put myself at the bottom of the list, which is nothing new but this school year, I've been feeling this thing that people call being "burnt out". It's more than just being exhausted at the end of the day. It's waking up exhausted, eating exhausted, and driving home exhausted. It's waking up with a headache, going to bed with a headache, feeling irritable just walking into work, and feeling perpetually stressed out.

That's been me for the past month or so. And when I'm stressed out, my patience is very short. Very. Short. I'm miserable during the day and unhappy when I go home. In my mind, the negative student behaviors get magnified and I think about their disrespectful behavior over and over again until I'm mentally drained. I'm the only teacher I know who is like this and I've come to the full realization that I need to change my approach completely as I was talking to Ms. K this morning about minor student concerns.

She has become my new teacher role model for years to come, along with Sandra, of course. Ms. K has perfected the art of detaching one's emotion from situations involving students allowing her to be rational and level-headed at all times. She doesn't invest emotion more than necessary in her classes and students. Instead, she devotes her energies to positive things such as her own school initiatives that she runs, student leaders, fun activities outside of school. She doesn't have futile meltdowns like me and have to take days off because she's made herself physically sick.

Everything she told me today made sense and it made me convinced that my go-to strategy in lecturing in an angry state was not constructive. Her strategy is:

•find what will get them to see your side e.g. bribing them with stickers, talk to them after school
•find solutions
•failing or not doing a project is not an option
•"intervene"
•don't yell
•be rational, don't involve your own emotions

I have to put her name in my flower pot with the catch-phrase "rational" to remind me to make a
better effort to approach situations rationally with the goal of being just like her and Sandra one day.

GW

It's Christmas Eve today and I just realized that this will be the first time writing here since the summer. Well, the past few months went by very fast, although at the time it didn't feel like that. I have a sweet bunch of kids again this year, I love it. And I was able to start up new initiatives that I talked about last school year
(http://gracewonderful.blogspot.com/2011/06/great-entertainer.html) which are the spelling bee and the skipping club so far. The spelling bee is great; turned out to be just as I expected it to be. In the new year, a student in the school wants to start a poetry club in my class. I'm not too excited about it because I'm not really a poetry fan. But we'll see how it roles out. Another teacher and I may also start a spoken word team of writers but, again, I'm not too excited about that one either. But if the kids are interested, that's all that matters.

In case I didn't mention this, Dj had left for Calgary for a fellowship for a bit over a month in mid-summer and came back to Montreal to enroll in another program. He had asked if I wanted to come down before the summer to Montreal. I wasn't able to - it was the last few weeks of June and that's a busy time at school.

Joel and I don't talk anymore. He emails me sometimes though. I don't respond. He always made me feel special.

I need a plan for 2012. Do I show random acts of kindess? Do I start a workout program? Do I volunteer somewhere?

GW

A few days ago I had the oddest dream of Ruth telling me that her husband passed away. She seemed to come to terms with it and was not at all distraught or upset. She was more matter of fact than all that. I wonder if this is a message?

Okay, a little change of plans to my 30-day challenge. The working out thing is not working out. It's been crazy hot this week and will continue for the rest of the week. So it's been hard to look forward to driving to the gym in this suffocating heat. I'll have to start Friday morning and avoid the afternoon sizzle.

Also, my new curfew is 1.30 am to hit the sack. After that, there's no hope of me falling asleep if I stay up later than that.

I watched the new Harry Potter movie with Kunle today. No, this doesn't mean I'm a Harry Potter fan now. And no, it doesn't mean I'll be going through the series like an excited little teeny-bopper...although, I do have the series sitting on my shelf...hmm. Like I have the time!

GW

There was a moment of realization when Paul from Zoo Keeper said, "I spent five years trying to get over someone I didn't even love," after getting a second chance to have a life together with his ex-girlfriend of five years. At the end of it, he realized that they're not good for each other at all.

It made me think of how misguided people's feelings could be about each other, especially when there's a breakup involved. Something has gone wrong when someone initiates a breakup. And both partners need to acknowledge it and see the relationship for what it is. As individuals, friends, movie night buddies, we might be wonderful, but as partners in a relationship, not so wonderful.

I started to think if that has been the case with me. Did I ever really love Isaac? For one thing, I didn't know him an awful long time, less than a year in fact. And his job...leaves me less than comfortable. I sure did love being with him though. Maybe that's all it was - a good time. There was no substance. We never got to know each other deeply. And maybe what we find, we may not like. And the fact that he broke up with me is probably a good indication that there are things I truly don't like.

GW

A few days ago, I read on a fellow blogger's blog that she will be undertaking a 30-day challenge on ways to be a better person. I want to try the same thing but in my case, I'd like to do the following for the next 30 days - written in the order of greatest challenge to least. (July 19-August 17)

-wake up before noon every day (I'm serious)
-accomplish one task every day
-work out at the gym 5 days a week (this will extend into all of August)
-write a post every day

I feel like I'm biting off more than I can chew but I really want to try this. I feel like it could only lead to good things. Going to the gym definitely won't hurt, 30-day challenge or no 30-day challenge. In fact, I'd love to lose about 5 pounds by the end of the challenge. Right now I'm at 125 so I'll set my goal to 120. And by the 5th of September, I'd love to go down to 118. That's reasonable.

So I'll see you tomorrow with something else to talk about.

GW

My students won the Sportsmanship award for the mini-olympics at our school. I'm super proud of them. But really, there was not a doubt that they would get it. They each got a burgandy ribbon.

The award is like the equavalent of a beauty pageant's Miss Congeniality award. Very nice.

GW

I've heard of nasty, twisted, sick young boys who do demonic things but always on the news. I've never actually known them or had the opportunity of working with them.

That about changed a few months ago. There is an eighth grader at our school who is on the fast lane to serial rapist valley. There is something deeply and seriously wrong with him and I can see his future and it's definitely disturbing.

At first, I thought he was just another creepy typical horny boy but seeing the pattern of his behaviour shed light on something more sinister. He initiates sexual acts like gyrating doggy-style behind a teacher close to retirement, grabbing his friends' butt, grabbing their crotch, and allowing his friends to sit on his lap or coming in behind them to squeeze them to him. This is not just a horny boy. This is a criminal in the making.

Mark my words. Sooner or later, he will end up on the front pages for a heinous crime.

GW